I will never forget when a grief counselor told me that our bodies have a time clock and even if we’re not actively thinking about an anniversary of a loved one’s passing, our bodies know. Not only do our bodies know, but that grief will manifest itself in tiredness, sadness, or other unsuspecting ways.
I was walking my dog the other day and he ran to the base of a tree and was barking at a squirrel and I was almost brought to tears by the memory of hunting with my dad when his coonhounds would tree racoons.
A different day this week I was watching a Hallmark Christmas movie and thought about how my dad would watch them with me. And, sure, he would make comments about how it was very likely the busy city girl would learn to slow down and fall in love with a niche small town, but he never once complained.
Yesterday was my dad’s birthday and today was the fourth anniversary of his death. These memories and some other ups and downs this week were my body’s way of sprinkling in grief and love as I continue to cope with the loss of my dad.
I still haven’t mastered grief and never will, but I have learned to hold on to these memories, be gentle with myself, and do something in memory of my dad.
To others missing someone, I see you. I hope you find comfort during these anniversaries.